I am getting married three months from today. Shocking, I know. Even I have to keep re-reading that statement, trying to convince myself it's true. One person has referenced hell freezing over and another thought it was all an elaborate joke when they heard the news. For the most part though, people have taken this with remarkable calm and acquiescence. To me it feels like this is happening to a different person and I am just watching it all take place. It couldn't possibly be me getting married, could it? After all, marriage has never been a part of the plan. My plan, that is. I suppose it has always been in the plan of God for me. Not that I am against marriage. On the contrary, I have a high view of what marriage can illustrate to the world about Christ, especially in a world of broken families and distorted views of the covenant relationship between husband and wife. However, I have been happily single. Singleness has not been without its unique challenges, trials and temptations. But I am not one who desperately longed to be in relationship with someone. I have just been busy with other things, enjoying the freedoms that comes with being unattached.
Now that has all changed and I am still trying to wrap my head around what happened. As I tell the boy frequently, I blame him. It is all his fault that my life is suddenly unrecognizable. It has been a strange journey, these last few months. A reorienting, life-changing journey.
I suppose you want to hear the story?
Here it is in brief.
There is this guy who began attending our church about two years ago. His name is Rahul. Over the course of those years he and I had only a handful of conversations in passing, mostly about insignificant things. I knew very little about him, except that he was tall and smart. We respected each other from a distance but having similar personalities we both tend to avoid initiating conversations with people we don't know well. Then he asked to borrow my favorite book and we had another conversation. A few weeks later we ended up attending the same conference with a group from our church (the theme being marriage and family, ironically). Rahul, I should add, was looking for a wife. He was not considering me in the least. In fact, Bec and I were helping him in his search by identifying candidates at the conference and striking up conversations with them to determine if they were single and available. While we played this amusing matchmaking game and shared meals together and discussed the sessions we attended, Rahul and I became good friends. The next week, back in Nasik, we had several follow up conversations to things we had begun to discuss at the conference. We took my favorite personality test and compared the results. We discussed books and life and doctrine and Jesus. By the end of that week he quoted CS Lewis to me and I was a goner. :)
In India things move pretty quick when it comes to relationships. There is no category for casual or exploratory dating. In essence you assess for marriage and then commit. So in some ways I feel that there was never any going back from the moment we started those very early conversations. But I never seriously considered getting out anyways. In fact, the more I learn about this man I now call fiancé, the more amazed I am that God in his kindness has given me this gift.
When I look back over the past months I can see how God has been preparing me for this time of seriously considering and embracing marriage for myself. Through many circumstances I have learned to see the value of marriage in my own life and ministry and long term living in India. Not that I would ever marry for those reasons alone. But they had softened and prepared my heart to meet and love and commit to a man who has a great love for Christ, passion for truth, and desire to live a life of purpose.
So there you have it. From happily single to happily engaged. Honest confession, I still struggle daily with the thought of giving up singleness and embracing all that it is to be married. I am not a 'happily-ever-after' kind of girl. When I look at the future I see mostly challenges and difficulties. I am already crushed with the weight of my own inadequacies. Marriage is hard. I know that. I don't have to experience it to know that. Cross-cultural marriages are even harder (I dread the hours I will spend in the kitchen trying to learn Indian cooking and the heaps of mistakes I will make in all areas of life). The rewards of marriage are real. But I have learned that all good things come at a cost. Following Christ requires counting the cost. Moving to India required counting the cost. Getting involved in the messy lives of hurting people is costly. I understand that marriage is not a picture perfect reality. I don't really want a postcard kind of life anyway. I want to do battle with my life. Battle against Satan, battle for the sake and name of Christ in the world. For me, the next season of running this race of faith and following Christ is to enter into lifelong partnership with another person.
It helps, of course, that I adore this person. I am amazed by the way he thinks about deep things. I am convicted by his humility and teachable spirit. I love observing his walk with Christ and deep desire to live a life that will glorify his Savior. I am delighted that he anticipates heaven as much as I do. I have learned so much from the way he reads and processes good books, sermons and articles. I am still in awe of the fact that he wants to marry me. Let's face it, everyone who knows me will admit it is not the easiest task in the world to take on my troublesome self. But even though he doesn't underestimate my strong will and personality, he is not intimidated by the challenge of leading me well. I love that. I love him.
And so, I am getting married three months from today. Unless, as I half expect, I wake up before then and realize this was all a confused, bizarre dream.
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