Ugly

For what seemed like the millionth time this week, someone was blocking the end of our driveway. (It’s not always a someone, sometimes it’s a herd of cows or a motorcycle parked sideways.) When we politely honked our horn, this man calmly got out of his car, rolled up his windows, locked his doors, and gestured to us that he had some things to do before he could move his vehicle. We watched in frustrated amazement as he nonchalantly walked away, leaving us completely trapped in.

Today it was a cow and a car blocking the way. 

During the ten minutes we sat there waiting for him to get out of our way, I worked myself into a rage that would have had me screaming Marathi expletives, if I knew any.

I’d had enough of the selfishness and disrespect that seem to bombard me every time I leave the house. The ill manners and mistreatment and self-interest. (Yep, believe it or not, I'm surrounded by sinners.)

I was livid. Fuming. Infuriated.

I was muttering and grumbling about selfish idiots and morons. I felt the injustice of it. It was the final straw of a dozen little things every day that invade my space and time without permission.

There was absolutely no excuse for this total lack of consideration for other people, I thought. How in the world could he just walk away from us? And what could we possibly do about it? I had a few ideas involving bodily injury and verbal abuse, but before my anger completely boiled over and I gave him a very nasty piece of my mind, these words came crashing into my consciousness:

"yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth."

I was stricken. My anger dissipated. And, like Peter, I wanted to weep. How quickly I had gotten lost in my own selfishness and betrayed my Lord. How horrifying to see hatred in my heart for people I've been called to love.

I lost ten minutes of my day, HE willingly gave up his life. 

I was inconvenienced, HE was beaten and falsely accused. 

I suffered disrespect, HE suffered the Father's wrath. 

I was ready to hurt someone, HE was ready to forgive. 

Once again I am brought back to the cross and the price that was paid for my ugliness. Back to the One who had every right to be infuriated with me but instead turned the other cheek and bore my penalty. I am brought back to grace and mercy, the very things which have been lavishly bestowed upon me, but which I dole out with such a grudging and unwilling spirit.

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus..." (Philippians 2:3-5)